Friday, September 30, 2011

Diva Demands and the PAWS Principle

September 30, 2010



“Hello My Darlings”:


Today, I’m going to share with you some ‘cat secrets’ and tools to manipulate your humans!  I simply call them Diva Demands.  We will be looking at how tools can be used during the day at feeding times.
Use the PAWS Principal: Persistence, Attitude, Will and Stealth.






Breakfast:  I call this the ‘dawn chorus;’ get those humans REALLY ANNOYED. Wake them up while they are trying to sleep!  Watch to see if their eyes are shut, jump on the bed and in a loud earth shattering meow scream in their ear! That should do it.  If they are heavy sleepers, sit outside of the bedroom door way or living room and use your best opera voice, the higher the octave the better.  They usually will respond.  If that doesn’t, see if a guest is in the house and use the same procedure.  Now you will have two humans annoyed, you get your breakfast and the servants have bowed down to your demands.  Remember: the Diva rules the roost.


Give it to ME or I'LL SCREAM MY HEAD OFF!!


Lunch:  You can be more creative here darlings, as the humans will be alerted to your ASB (Attention Seeking Behaviour).   Try to use a little strategy here, darlings! Think of humans as chess pieces that can be easily manipulated (at will).  When the food is on the table (and they are not looking) steal a morsel from one of the plates, whatever is closest to the edge or on top. Keep checking your field of vision and use your nose and ears to alert you of any movement. 


Keep a heads-up on the humans movements!
Ha yes, a little EXTRA drama to TUG at their hearts
---works all the time!!

Supper:  Ah yes, these humans are bound to be tired so you can get them at their weakest. Run around, scream in their faces. As they are preparing their meal, sit and observe them. In an operatic voice scream and howl until they are simply dizzy. Remember my story about the Pizza Party. Sit on the floor at the supper table, look at each one of them intently in their eyes.




I will hypnotize you NOW! "I will steal your food"

Well what! Obey me or ELSE!

 Screw up your face into scary mode, widen and make your eyes into slits….then meow braking their attention and conversation.  If there are two humans, move your head from right to left and maintain eye contact.  Use drama in your voice repertoire (trills, screech, meow and octaves) by changing up the tone and intensity.
Remember darlings, YOU always have the last word – humans are here to SERVE!!
Apply the PAWS Principles everyday – if you have any stories or tools to share, let me know.

So what -- think  I'm sleeping? Guess again - I'm planning THE  NEXT ATTACK!
Ciao, Darlings!


"Happy Birthday Sterling" &^. .^&

Thursday, September 22, 2011


                                                             Hello My Darlings:
                                          Home massage is coming to ME today.
                                                             'Service with a Smile'
                                                    Purrhaps a delicious treat or two! Woo Hoo.
Love and Light !

Thursday, September 15, 2011

The Diva Meets Another At the Spa

Hello my darlings! Welcome!  We are going to the Spa ... Woo Hoo!

I slept with my ‘SPA' certificate under my pillow all night! Can you believe it? Just when I thought I'd bug my human companion by getting up extra early - she beat me too it (sigh). I was being obstreperous.  I performed whirling dervish impressions just to annoy her. I slipped for a moment into daydream until the clang clang of the cat carrier brought me back into reality. My chariot and driver had arrived awaiting my orders!

I wriggled inside my cat carrier as we neared the entrance way to the spa. The air coming through the window of the car smelled fishy. We must be near the lake, I thought. Peering through my window I could see the grand drive way. Sparkling white French doors welcomed us. 


Delicate wafts of pomegranate drifted in the air; my whiskers and nose caught this like a bee to honey. Several pretty bottles on the counter ...

I thought ah would this be for me? I began to bob around, shifting my weight from side to side. 

My human commanded, "steady on girl! You almost made me drop you!...,settle, settle…" I smirked.  I thought, ha ha, sometimes my enthusiasm gets the better of me.

Just then, a woman dressed in a smart white uniform, (smiling sweetly), escorted me to my very own room. 

It was crisp and clean. A white towel with pretty green stripes was neatly folded on the table.  Other objects resembled gifts: a lovely salt lamp, minerals and other fun items; I was getting very excited.

I wasn’t quite sure about the toothbrush...


The technician began the treatment:



Teeth cleaning: Well, what can I say? It wasn't what I expected ... It was just like being at the Vet's. For a moment, my memory took me to a distant place: the vet tech (their eyes looking at the ceiling and shaking their head): "Miss Diva, this won't hurt ... why is she so difficult? ... Thank goodness, our patients are not all like this."


Segue to the present reality: my face felt like silly putty -- even the director at the theatre gives me some leeway. My paws were picked up one  at a time. I will not splay my nails for cutting ... Hey! Hey! This is annoying! My gut grumbled and rumbled from the from the pit of my stomach. I will display my physical self -- to scare them. Rise up like a puffer fish! ZONK! What if I left them a "bank deposit" from the Diva bank? ... Oh, it wasn't that kind of rumble ... My ears flattened. My head resembled a bristle board. I glared at the pleb. I AM THE DIVA ... WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT!

Massage: My human companion touched me affectionately and gave me a little massage. She told me to be good. The human tech better warm hands – I don’t want to jump out of my skin! (Rolling eyes toward ceiling -paws pointing out in defiance)!


Ears: Everyone knows how sensitive Divas can be. Humans just don't get it, do they? I splayed by ears, wriggled and carried on to show them who is boss!


Pedicure:  Someone forgot to tell them that I'm very ticklish - especially my PAWS!
Excuse me, did you ask MY PERMISSION?
Wait ... I feel a HISS coming on
Where's my MOMMA -- I am NOT AMUSED!

Treats and other delights:  The towel shrouded me in soft petals, melting me into a dreamy state.  An aroma caught my attention, lifting me out of my slumber, sniff, sniff (my blood-hound nose detected turkey or chicken).  

I gobbled it down with as much force as a wind tunnel vacuum cleaner. This is too good to share ...

My eyes averted to the door that was slightly ajar. A statuesque woman sashayed by, dressed in a Grecian bath robe and wearing a towel on her head. The thought passed …I wonder who this woman is ... she looks posh...Is she a diva too? ... How can I get a pair of those neo-classic shades?


I drifted off again relaxing into my experience once more with dreams of filet mignon in Paris overlooking the Seine, feeding on a delicious view of a couple kissing.  


Au revoir, my darlings!    

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Pedicure PLEASE


Excuse me -- hands OFF the paws...do you have MY permission?
MOMMA ........'I'M TICKLISH" 
......EKKKKKKKSSS  - 

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

"More Photo's from the Spa"


I didn't sign up for this! Get the director to yell 'WRAP IT UP'